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5 Steps to Growing Spiritually Together in Your Intercultural Marriage

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." — Proverbs 27:17

Growing, Not Just Being

It's one thing to share spiritual life. It's another to grow spiritually together.

Shared spirituality can become static—same practices, same level, same plateau for years. But growing spiritually together means movement. Progress. Deepening. Becoming more than you were.

In intercultural marriage, spiritual growth carries extra layers. You're not just growing individually—you're growing as a culturally blended couple. Your spiritual development intertwines with your cultural integration.

Sharisse and I have grown together spiritually over thirty years. Not at the same pace, not in the same ways, but together. That shared growth has been one of the most rewarding aspects of our marriage.

Here are five steps for growing spiritually together in your intercultural marriage.

Step 1: Create Shared Vision

Before you can grow together, you need to know where you're growing toward.

Why Vision Matters

Direction:

Vision provides direction for your spiritual journey together.

Motivation:

Shared vision creates motivation when growth is hard.

Unity:

Common vision unites you in spiritual purpose.

Creating Your Spiritual Vision

Questions to discuss:

  • What do we want our spiritual life to look like in five years?

  • What kind of people do we want to become?

  • What spiritual qualities do we want to develop?

  • How do we want to serve together?

  • What legacy do we want to leave?

Conversation approach:

Set aside uninterrupted time. Each person shares their answers. Find the overlap. Name your shared vision.

Vision Across Cultural Lines

Cultural values in vision:

Your spiritual vision may incorporate values from both cultural backgrounds.

Example:

One partner's culture emphasizes community involvement; the other's emphasizes contemplative depth. Your vision might include both—deep inner life expressed in active service.

Our Vision

Early in marriage, Sharisse and I talked about what we wanted spiritually. We wanted a marriage rooted in faith. We wanted to raise children with spiritual foundations. We wanted to serve others from our overflow. We wanted to keep growing rather than plateau.

That vision—imperfect and evolving—gave us direction.

Step 2: Establish Growth Practices

Vision without practice remains aspiration. Practices make growth real.

What Growth Practices Do

Create structure:

Practices provide consistent opportunity for spiritual engagement.

Build habits:

Repeated practices become spiritual habits that shape character.

Ensure consistency:

Practices keep spiritual life from being sporadic.

Types of Growth Practices

Study practices:

  • Scripture reading or study

  • Reading spiritual books

  • Taking courses or classes

  • Discussions about what you're learning

Experiential practices:

  • Prayer together

  • Worship together

  • Silence and contemplation

  • Nature-based spiritual experience

Service practices:

  • Volunteering together

  • Acts of generosity

  • Hospitality

  • Caring for others

Community practices:

  • Participation in faith community

  • Small groups

  • Spiritual friendships

  • Mentoring relationships

Choosing Practices Together

For intercultural couples:

  • Choose practices that work for both cultural backgrounds

  • Be willing to try partner's traditional practices

  • Create new practices that emerge from your blend

  • Balance individual and shared practices

Practical considerations:

  • What's sustainable with your schedule?

  • What's accessible given your location?

  • What resources do you need?

  • How will you maintain consistency?

Our Practices

Over the years, our practices have evolved. We've had seasons of intensive study and seasons of simple daily prayer. We've been involved in faith community and had periods of more private spiritual life. What remained was the commitment to practice—to not let spiritual life become theoretical.

Step 3: Pursue Individual and Shared Growth

Spiritual growth happens both individually and together. Both matter.

Individual Growth

Why it matters:

You each have your own spiritual journey. Your growth isn't dependent on your spouse, and vice versa.

What it looks like:

  • Personal prayer and reflection

  • Individual study

  • Personal spiritual goals

  • Your own relationship with God

How to support:

  • Give space for individual practice

  • Respect different paces of growth

  • Don't compete spiritually

  • Encourage each other's personal development

Shared Growth

Why it matters:

Growing together creates spiritual intimacy and shared foundation.

What it looks like:

  • Practices done together

  • Discussions about spiritual life

  • Shared goals and commitments

  • Mutual accountability

How to nurture:

  • Prioritize shared spiritual time

  • Discuss what you're learning

  • Push each other forward

  • Celebrate shared progress

The Balance

Danger of only individual:

Growing spiritually in separate silos can create distance.

Danger of only shared:

Losing individual spiritual identity and relying too heavily on spouse.

The goal:

Both streams flowing—individual growth that feeds shared growth, and shared growth that enriches individual growth.

Step 4: Navigate Growth Challenges

Spiritual growth isn't linear. Challenges come.

When One Grows Faster

It's common for one partner to be in a growth season while the other is not.

The faster-growing partner:

  • Don't become spiritually proud

  • Stay connected to partner

  • Share without pressuring

  • Be patient with different pace

The slower-growing partner:

  • Don't feel threatened or guilty

  • Stay open to what partner is learning

  • Maintain your own connection

  • Trust your own journey

Both:

  • Stay in conversation

  • Don't let gap become distance

  • Find shared practice even amid different growth rates

  • Trust that growth comes in seasons

When Faith Wavers

One or both partners may go through seasons of doubt or distance.

For the wavering partner:

  • Be honest about where you are

  • Keep showing up even when feeling dry

  • Seek help if needed

  • Don't pretend what isn't true

For the stable partner:

  • Don't panic

  • Offer support without pressure

  • Maintain your own faith without judgment

  • Trust the process

Together:

  • Keep communication open

  • Seek help if needed (spiritual direction, counseling)

  • Remember that doubt can be part of growth

  • Stay committed through seasons

When Culture Complicates

Sometimes cultural differences create spiritual tension.

Examples:

  • Different assumptions about spiritual practices

  • Family pressure about religious observance

  • Cultural baggage around faith expression

  • Different relationships to religious authority

Navigation:

  • Name the cultural influence

  • Distinguish culture from core faith

  • Find what transcends cultural expression

  • Create your own way through

When Life Gets Hard

Crisis can challenge spiritual growth.

Reality:

Illness, loss, financial stress, relational pain—these affect spiritual life.

During crisis:

  • Maintain basic practices if possible

  • Accept reduced capacity

  • Support each other

  • Let faith be a resource, not another demand

After crisis:

  • Rebuild spiritual practices

  • Process what happened spiritually

  • Let crisis deepen faith if possible

  • Resume growth trajectory

Step 5: Celebrate and Evaluate Progress

Growth needs recognition and assessment.

Celebrating Growth

Why celebrate:

  • Recognizes progress

  • Encourages continued growth

  • Creates positive association with spiritual life

  • Strengthens bond

What to celebrate:

  • Maintained practices

  • New understanding or insight

  • Character development

  • Answered prayers

  • Deeper connection

How to celebrate:

  • Verbal acknowledgment to each other

  • Marking spiritual milestones

  • Gratitude expression

  • Simple celebration (meal, date, note)

Regular Evaluation

Why evaluate:

  • Ensures you're actually growing

  • Identifies what's working and what isn't

  • Allows for course correction

  • Maintains intentionality

Evaluation questions:

  • Are we growing spiritually?

  • What practices are working?

  • What needs to change?

  • What's our next step?

  • Are we growing together, not just individually?

When to evaluate:

  • Quarterly works well for many couples

  • Annual deeper review

  • As-needed when something feels off

Our Evaluation

Sharisse and I don't have formal spiritual evaluations, but we talk regularly about how we're doing spiritually. We notice when we've drifted. We celebrate when we've grown. We adjust when something isn't working.

Growth Markers for Intercultural Couples

Spiritual Growth Looks Like:

Deeper faith:

Growing conviction, increasing trust, more robust belief.

Character development:

Becoming more loving, patient, kind, self-controlled.

Increased wisdom:

Better discernment, wiser decisions, deeper understanding.

Stronger practices:

More consistent, more meaningful spiritual habits.

Greater service:

Increased giving of self to others.

Closer relationship:

Deepening intimacy with God (or transcendence).

Specifically for Intercultural Couples:

Cultural integration:

Faith that honors both cultural heritages.

Shared spiritual identity:

A "we" in spiritual life, not just two "I"s.

Navigational wisdom:

Growing ability to handle cultural-spiritual complexity.

Unified witness:

A marriage that demonstrates faith across cultural lines.

Your Action Plan

This Week

  1. Discuss spiritual vision: Where do you want to be in 5 years?

  2. Identify one growth practice to strengthen or add.

  3. Acknowledge each other's current growth.

This Month

  1. Establish or strengthen a key growth practice.

  2. Have a conversation about individual and shared growth.

  3. Identify one growth challenge to address.

Quarterly

  1. Evaluate spiritual growth together.

  2. Adjust practices as needed.

  3. Set new growth goals.

The Growth That Transforms

Sharisse and I are not the same people we were at our wedding. We've grown—sometimes painfully, sometimes joyfully, but persistently. Our faith is deeper. Our character is stronger (still developing). Our spiritual connection is richer.

That growth didn't happen automatically. It happened because we pursued it. We created vision. We established practices. We navigated challenges. We kept growing, together.

Your spiritual growth together awaits. It won't be linear. It won't be easy. But if you pursue it with intentionality and grace, you'll look back years from now and see transformation.

Start growing together. Your transformed marriage awaits.

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