5 Practices for Deepening Spiritual Connection in Your Marriage
- Marvin Lucas
- Aug 26
- 6 min read
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
The Connection That Transcends
There's connection—knowing each other, being close, sharing life. And then there's spiritual connection—being united at the deepest level, where soul meets soul, where your union reflects something transcendent.
Spiritual connection in marriage isn't automatic. It's built. Cultivated. Nurtured through intentional practice.
In intercultural marriage, spiritual connection carries extra significance. When you're navigating cultural difference, spiritual connection provides an anchor point—something that transcends the surface differences and unites you at your core.
Sharisse and I have built spiritual connection over thirty years. It didn't happen by accident. These five practices made it possible.
Practice 1: Shared Silence
In a world of noise, shared silence creates unique connection.
What It Is
Sharing quiet together with spiritual intention. Not just being quiet in the same room—but intentionally entering silence together as a spiritual practice.
Why It Works for Connection
Beyond words:
Sometimes the deepest connection is wordless. Silence takes you there.
Shared presence:
In silence, you're simply present to each other and to God.
Vulnerability:
Silence strips away performance. You're just there, together.
Transcends difference:
Silence works across cultural and denominational lines.
How to Practice
Simple approach:
Choose a time (start with 5-10 minutes)
Sit together comfortably
Enter silence with brief word or intention
Be silent together
Emerge gently
Variations:
Morning silence before the day begins
Evening silence before sleep
Silence as part of prayer time
Silence in nature together
Our Experience
Early on, silence felt awkward. We wanted to fill it. Over time, we learned to rest in it. Now, shared silence is one of our deepest connection points. No words needed. Just being.
For Intercultural Couples
Benefits:
Doesn't require shared religious vocabulary
Works across prayer traditions
Creates space beyond cultural expression
Equalizing—neither cultural tradition dominates
Practice 2: Spiritual Conversation
Talking about spiritual things—not just about life, but about meaning, faith, questions, and growth.
What It Is
Regular conversation about spiritual life. What you're learning. What you're questioning. What you're experiencing with God (or transcendence).
Why It Works for Connection
Depth:
Spiritual conversation goes deeper than daily logistics.
Knowing:
You learn who your spouse is spiritually.
Support:
You can support each other's spiritual journey.
Intimacy:
Sharing spiritual experience creates unique intimacy.
How to Practice
Prompts for conversation:
"What are you learning spiritually lately?"
"What questions are you wrestling with?"
"Where have you sensed God recently?"
"What do you need from me spiritually?"
"What's stirring in your soul?"
When to have these conversations:
Regular scheduled time (weekly works well)
During walks or drives
Over meals
When something spiritual arises naturally
Guidelines:
Listen more than advise
Honor each other's journey
Don't try to fix or correct
Share vulnerably yourself
Our Experience
We've made it a habit to talk about what we're experiencing spiritually. Not every day—but regularly. These conversations have created some of our most meaningful moments.
For Intercultural Couples
Navigate:
Different spiritual vocabulary (learn each other's language)
Different comfort levels with spiritual expression
Different assumptions about what to share
Opportunity:
Learn to translate your spiritual experience for each other—a skill that deepens understanding.
Practice 3: Shared Spiritual Reading
Reading spiritual material together and discussing it.
What It Is
Reading the same spiritual text—scripture, devotional material, spiritual books—and talking about it together.
Why It Works for Connection
Common ground:
The text creates shared reference point.
Catalyst:
Reading prompts conversation that might not happen otherwise.
Growth:
You learn and grow from the same material.
Rhythm:
Regular reading creates spiritual rhythm together.
How to Practice
Options:
Read scripture passage together daily
Read devotional book together
Work through a spiritual book chapter by chapter
Read spiritual classic aloud to each other
Format:
Read separately and discuss
Read aloud together and discuss
Brief daily reading or extended weekly session
Discussion approaches:
What stood out to you?
How does this apply to us?
What questions does this raise?
What does this call us to?
Our Experience
Over the years, we've read many books together—scripture, devotionals, spiritual classics. The discussions that emerge are often the best part.
For Intercultural Couples
Choosing material:
Find texts that work for both traditions
Take turns choosing (even from different traditions)
Consider texts that transcend specific traditions
Be open to each other's sacred texts
Benefit:
Shared reading helps you understand each other's spiritual formation and creates new shared formation.
Practice 4: Spiritual Rituals Together
Regular, repeated spiritual practices that become rituals of connection.
What It Is
Practices you do together consistently that mark your spiritual life together—prayer rituals, blessing rituals, observances, and celebrations.
Why It Works for Connection
Rhythm:
Rituals create rhythm in your spiritual life together.
Memory:
Repeated rituals build shared spiritual memory.
Identity:
Rituals define your spiritual life as a couple.
Stability:
Rituals provide stability amid life's chaos.
How to Practice
Daily rituals:
Morning blessing of each other
Mealtime prayers
Evening gratitude sharing
Bedtime prayer
Weekly rituals:
Sabbath observance
Extended prayer time
Worship participation
Seasonal rituals:
Holy day observances
Anniversary spiritual reflection
New year spiritual goal-setting
Seasonal celebrations
Life transition rituals:
Prayers at major transitions
Spiritual marking of milestones
Rituals for difficult seasons
Our Experience
We've developed rituals that are ours. Morning prayer. Mealtime blessing. Holiday observances that blend both our backgrounds. These rituals have become the skeleton of our spiritual life together.
For Intercultural Couples
Creating rituals:
Draw from both traditions
Create entirely new rituals
Be willing to try partner's traditional rituals
Evolve rituals over time
The blend:
Your rituals can be unique to your cultural blend—neither fully one tradition nor the other, but something new.
Practice 5: Serving Together
Engaging in service to others as a shared spiritual practice.
What It Is
Serving others together—volunteering, helping, giving—as an expression of spiritual connection.
Why It Works for Connection
Shared purpose:
You're united in something beyond yourselves.
Values in action:
Service expresses shared values in tangible ways.
Perspective:
Serving together provides perspective on your own lives.
Witness:
Your service demonstrates your faith practically.
How to Practice
Find your cause:
What issues matter to both of you?
Where can you serve together?
What gifts do you bring as a couple?
Regular service:
Monthly volunteering together
Ongoing commitment to an organization
Informal service to neighbors and community
Spontaneous service:
Responding to needs as they arise
Acts of generosity
Hospitality to others
Integrate service into life:
Make it part of your rhythm
Involve children if applicable
Discuss service experiences together
Let service shape your spiritual life
Our Experience
Some of our most meaningful spiritual connection has come through service. Volunteering together. Hospitality in our home. Caring for others. These experiences have shaped our marriage.
For Intercultural Couples
Serving across culture:
Serve in contexts that span both cultural backgrounds
Use your intercultural experience in service
Bridge communities through your service
Let your cultural blend inform how you serve
Mutual benefit:
Service can connect you to both cultural communities—serving in her cultural context sometimes, his other times.
Integrating the Five Practices
Creating Your Rhythm
These five practices can be integrated into a comprehensive rhythm:
Daily:
Brief shared silence
Spiritual conversation (even brief)
Daily ritual (morning prayer, mealtime blessing)
Weekly:
Extended spiritual reading together
Deeper spiritual conversation
Weekly ritual (sabbath, extended prayer)
Monthly:
Service together
Evaluation of spiritual connection
Intentional spiritual time
Annually:
Extended retreat time
Spiritual goal-setting
Major observances and celebrations
Starting Where You Are
If new to this:
Start with one practice
Build gradually
Don't overwhelm yourselves
Celebrate small victories
If you have established practices:
Evaluate what's working
Add new practices that would deepen connection
Revitalize practices that have become rote
Continue growing
When Life Is Chaotic
During busy seasons:
Maintain minimum practices
Accept reduced capacity
Stay connected even briefly
Return to full rhythm when possible
Measuring Spiritual Connection
Signs of Deep Connection
You know each other spiritually:
You understand their faith journey
You know their spiritual struggles and joys
You sense where they are spiritually
You support each other spiritually:
You pray for each other meaningfully
You encourage each other's growth
You help each other through dry seasons
You grow together:
Your faith has deepened together
You've faced spiritual challenges together
You've experienced spiritual breakthroughs together
You have shared spiritual life:
You have practices you do together
You have rituals that define your marriage
You have shared spiritual memory
When Connection Weakens
Signs:
Spiritual lives become separate
Practices fade
Conversations become rare
Rituals lose meaning
Recovery:
Name what's happening
Return to basics
Restart one practice
Rebuild gradually
Your Action Plan
This Week
Choose one of the five practices to begin or strengthen.
Have a spiritual conversation about your spiritual connection.
Try your chosen practice at least twice.
This Month
Establish your chosen practice as regular.
Add a second practice.
Evaluate how your spiritual connection is growing.
Ongoing
Maintain and deepen the five practices.
Create your integrated rhythm.
Continue growing in spiritual connection.
The Connection That Holds
Sharisse and I have been connected spiritually for thirty years. Through dry seasons and rich seasons. Through doubt and certainty. Through joy and grief. That spiritual connection has been an anchor—something that holds when other things shift.
These five practices built that connection. They continue to nurture it. They're not magic—they're simply regular, consistent, intentional ways of cultivating spiritual intimacy.
Your spiritual connection can deepen too. Start with one practice. Build from there. Watch what happens when you tend to the spiritual dimension of your marriage with the same care you give to other aspects.
Start practicing. Your deeply connected marriage awaits.
For more on faith in marriage, see our Complete Guide to Faith & Spiritual Connection, praying together as a couple, and spiritual intimacy in marriage.
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